When Life Throws a Change-Up
Growing up, I played extremely competitive softball. I was on teams with players who went on to play college, and from age 10-16 we traveled to national and world championships. It was intense! One of my strengths was hitting. However, my teammates would laugh at me when I would get thrown a change-up. A change-up is a pitched ball that all of a sudden, without warning is thrown and it is slow. It’s unlike any other pitches, but it is deceptive as the pitcher still winds up as fast as they can to throw it. I hated change-ups. I would swing at the same speed that I would for fast pitches, expect the same results and be wildly disappointed and sometimes embarrassed. Retrospectively, this is a perfect way to explain life changes, and all the little change-ups that are pitched to you during your career, or day to day life.
To exemplify this, I would like to share a story about how my nursing career began, or almost didn’t. If you are a nurse or know a nurse, you are familiar with the acronym; NCLEX. If not, this is the national exam that all nurse hopefuls must take and pass in order to receive their RN license. When I was a senior in college, I had this brilliant idea to choose a test center that was out of state, but still would give a NH license, so that way I wouldn’t see any peers who might make me nervous seeing them nervous. Also, I planned ahead to have my mom and my then fiancé, now husband to drive with me…they were in the ones in my corner, my coaches, my positive presence I needed. So we took my mom’s mini-van. Now it was smooth sailing, because the way to the center was on the highway and the exit was just up ahead as a left-hand side exit….
ALL OF A SUDDEN THE CAR WOULDN’T ACCELERATE PAST 40 MPH, AND THERE WAS SMOKE.
Despite that the car wouldn’t go past 40 mph, inside my head went from 0 to 60mph fast. “I’m not going to make it”, “My job offer depends on me passing in a certain amount of time, now I won’t have a job”, “Everyone is going to pass but me”, “Even if I make it there I am too stressed now to take it”, “Ohhhhhh noooooooo”! What came out of my mouth was silence. My husband recognized this fearful silence and was reassuring, telling me that we were almost there, and that we had planned plenty of time, so it will be fine.
Sure enough, as he finished reassuring me, we saw that exit on the left hand side. We put our flashers on and carefully moved the car to the left, as the 65mph cars whizzed past. We were the change-up, but we at least had the decency to warn other cars. In my head I screamed, “future nurse in the making people, watch out!”.
We made it off the highway and pulled into a fast-food parking lot. We mapped the test center on the GPS and it was a little under 2 miles. The car once stopped wouldn’t restart now anyways.
So, I walked to my NCLEX.
My husband escorted me to my test and wished me luck. Ironically, I think the exercise before the test helped me calm down, and got the blood flowing to my brain. I took the test, was fairly confident in my answers, and obviously I passed.
Life has thrown me more change-ups then a broken car on the way to the NCLEX. Nursing has thrown my 3 admissions within one hour, a patient declining when they had plans to go home, missing medications when they are due, a pump that won’t stop beeping, a family that is unhappy and stressed about the condition of their child, and so much more, and so much worse. Yet, despite the facts that change-ups are unpleasant, or that I would prefer the same-old paced pitches of life….they will come. I have accepted that fact. It doesn’t necessarily make it easier, but it intellectually makes it feasible. Expect the unexpected, although there are too many variables in healthcare and human beings to truly be fully prepared to “expect” with 100% truth what will be pitched next. So many new nurses, and students will tell me “I planned my day and had all of my priorities, but I didn’t expect this to happen, and I didn’t expect my plans to not go as well in real life as they did in my head”. It took me a while to be comfortable with having a sense of open expectations, to realize that it’s good to have a framework, but I couldn’t rely on false expectations.
Maybe you won’t hit those change-ups out of the park. Maybe you might even strike out. In the end, and in your life…you have a team around you to pick you up, to cheer for you so that the next time you can get on base. Look that pitcher of life event in the eye, be confident in your abilities, be confident in your resilience, and always know that your team has your back.
~Keep on Caring ♥
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